Guest Blogger: Welcome to the Universe, Heather Harlen!

How do I know Heather?  Let me count the ways: friend, writer, friend, teacher, friend, advocate, friend, published novelist, friend, cheesy music listener and horrible complainer when not doing well in a game (just saying).  Did I remember to mention friend? Excuse me…FRiend?  Thanks for visiting my Universe, Dear Heather.  

Grateful For A Gravestone

Dear Universe,

Sometimes I wonder where all of my energy went.

A typical Saturday in February 1996: wake up, hang out with my host family, visit museums in Madrid with my roommate and some friends, take a nap, do some homework, have dinner with my host family, go out dancing at 11pm, return home at 7am, go to bed. 

A typical Saturday in February 2014: wake up with cat next to me, look out the window at more falling snow, read, call husband up to bedroom to snuggle, get up, drink coffee, have breakfast, read some more, write, watch the snow, take a walk, shovel snow, correct papers, do household chores, eat dinner, watch House of Cards, go to bed. 

On Facebook, I “like” the club we used to go to in Spain. Joy Eslava is a converted theater and still looks just as dramatic and fun as it did back when we’d literally dance all night.  We put the carpe in Carpe Diem - we seized the day and the night.  I can’t do that anymore and nor do I want to; and, I never want to forget what it felt like to be in a sparkly mini dress while dancing with a thousand people to pounding techno music.  

So thank you, Universe, for putting this gravestone in my path the other weekend. The walk was just supposed to be a morning jaunt around town, an opportunity to soak in some much-needed winter sun and get the blood flowing.  While avoiding icy patches on sidewalk near a cemetery, I saw this:

Those three words. So simple. Make Today Count. I can’t stop thinking about them.  Sue Jeffers was born the same year as my father. She died when she was only 39, my exact age.  I found one item about her on the internet, her obituary.  It turns out she was also a writer (technical writer) and she started a cancer support group called Make Today Count, hence her epitaph.

Now that I’m closer to 40 than 20, Carpe Dieming makes me really, really tired and cranky now.  Being up past eleven is a feat that makes me feel like I’ve earned a gold star.  Trying to get the most out of every single minute of every day is exhausting, especially when I’m now a wife, writer, teacher, daughter, sister, friend, and more. 

Sue’s post mortem message to any passersby is staying with me as an adult cruising toward middle age.   I’ve been trying to make each day count now in small ways.  Making sure to hand out extra compliments to students, friends, store clerks, my family, my husband.  Cutting a grading session short so I can spend more time with people rather than papers. Less multitasking. Making sure I read and write each day.  Playing with our cat every time she stares at me.  Which is a lot.  Carpe Dieming would probably put me in the hospital for dehydration and exhaustion, anyway. Making Today Count energizes me. 

So thank you, Sue Jeffers, for your words of wisdom from beyond.  

How can you find small ways to make today count?

Heather Harlen is a writer and teacher.  She is currently working on the sequel to her first novel, HOPE YOU GUESS MY NAME: A THRILLER.  You can find more about at www.heatherharlen.com. 

My Mission To...

I’ve been fascinated by space for as long as I can remember.   I’m oh-so-very intrigued by the colonization of Mars planned for 2024-ish.  (Relax, I haven't applied!  Yet...)  

What's that?  You want me?  In order for me to go to Mars, here are my Must Haves.

1.  You must let me bring my cat.  Not the one who is scared of everything but the one who is social, lovable, and craves attention.  There are many benefits to pet therapy.  You want to limit the Cray-Cray in space?  I’ll even let other people interact with my KarmaNaut- you just have to share your freeze dried chicken with him.  (After you warm it, of course.)

2.  I have to bring my husband, even if he is knocked out and it is against his will.  He’ll get over it once we are there.  If I learned anything from Mission to Mars, it’s preferable to have a married couple around.  Now, some of you may be wondering why my cat was listed as number 1.  When the husband wakes up and discovers he is on the Red Planet, my only chance of forgiveness is number 1.

3.  I’m an avid reader.  I understand it isn’t practical for me to bring all of my print books with me, so I will accept a limit of my twenty favorites as long as my Amazon account works for my e-reader.  (Speaking of accounts...can I access my Netflix?  If not, Houston...we have a problem.)

You may be wondering about my qualifications.

• I've read the entire Red Mars trilogy by Kim Stanley Robinson.  (I didn’t understand all of it but I did not give up.)  Unlike the First Hundred from this novel, I will follow all of your rules.  (Until you stop monitoring me.)  (Just kidding!)  (No, I’m not.)
• I know almost all of the lines from Space Camp.  “Jinx put Max in space!”  (Movie fans- did you know that Max was played by a young Joaquin Phoenix?) I know better than to give a metaphorical command in a literal manner to a robot that only understands things literally.  (Unless it is the android from Almost Human- then, all bets are off.)
• I watch Doctor Who and Torchwood.  ‘Nuff said!
• In my current profession, I am organized, reflective, and poised in a crisis.  You will appreciate that the first time someone punctures a hole in the hull.  (I will have duct tape.)  

Not convinced of my credentials?  Here are some snippets from my most recent letters of recommendation: 

“Her positivity and patience with staff encourages them to be open and honest but also to strongly self-reflect.”  

“Suzie’s facility with reflective practice is truly exemplary. Her unique ability to see an educational issue from all angles makes her a valuable team member and thinking partner.” 

What about perspectives from those closest to me?  I sent some friends a text and simply said, “Say something nice about me.”  Their responses made me sit taller the rest of the night.

"You are a genuine and sincere person.  And funny."  

"I completely trust you."

“The way you speak your truth helps me figure out and speak my truth. You are a loyal, fun and quirky (in a good, refreshing way) friend. I can count on your insight to help me be a better teacher/writer/person.”

“You are one of the smartest and kind hearted people I know.”

"Smart lady and talented writer."  With prompting, "Beauty is a given."  (That last bit was from my aunt.  Sometimes...you want to hear you are pretty.)

It’s truly a gift to see yourself reflected by others.

But...do we really have to apply for a job, set up a new business, or move to Mars to hear positive thoughts about ourselves?  Think about someone in your life.  What's something nice that you could say about that someone "right now?"  Pause in your reading and text, tweet or FB them.  Right now.  Do it!  Are you done?  Now, do it for yourself.  There's no need to wait for positive comments from others to appreciate ourselves.  

Mission accomplished.   

Image by Christopher Friebolin

Decorative, not Empty

        I was gifted with a beautiful frame last year.  Gorgeous!  I knew right away that I wanted to put it in my home office for inspiration.  (Never mind that my home office is cluttered with things that need to find a home so that I can work in my home office and benefit from said inspiration.  Moving on!)

        What would I put in the frame?  Many applicants came to mind.

        Perhaps a photo from the zoo many years ago?  Our friends' children changed from these little boys who crawled everywhere to stumbling about dressed like mini men.  The two boys with crooked smiles posed next to a gorilla statue- stuck between baby and boyhood, a beautiful reminder of our growing circle of friends.  

        Or, maybe, since I planned to do "my writing" in the office, something related to the craft should be in the frame.  I already had my favorite quote from a journal cover on display.  My favorite children's book is on the desk.  (Pollyanna is in my bedroom- a great attitude reminder for each morning.)  My desk is surrounded by floor to ceiling bookshelves containing some of my favorite friends, memories, and dreams.  I considered an autographed and zombified trading card of one of my favorite authors but then worried that seeing his rotting face everyday would be too much pressure.

        I poured through photos, narrowed them down to a few, and set the frame aside for a few days.  A few days turned into seven months.  There it sat.  Decorative but empty.  I woke up in the middle of the night and just knew The One!  I raced downstairs, leapt over cats, and pulled out the photo box.

        Once upon a time ago in a galaxy far, far away, I was in college.  One weekend, a group of us from the dorm went to a quarry.  People were repelling from cliff to basin and others were jumping in.  So many great pictures that day!  The six of us posing in bathing suits and flannels; a friend conducting a symphony of ducks; my cast-wearing buddy swimming with me in the quarry after our long trek around to the "wimpy side" where we could safely slide in and worry about climbing out later; a fantastic shot taken by yours truly from the wimpy side of the most daring group member jumping some 40-ish feet into the quarry.  Great photos, great memories, but not the finalist.

        Wandering around a nearby park later that day, I took random photos WITH a camera (not a phone) WITHOUT a display screen (Forrest Gump should have said, "Life's like a non-display screen camera, you never know what you're gonna get.").  I stumbled upon an elderly couple on a bench.  I could only see them from behind.  I wondered about them.  Who were they?  Were they happy?  Were they in love?  What's their secret?  Something about them silently gazing at the canal called to me, so...I snapped a photo and ran.

        Looking at the photograph all those years ago for the first time, I knew I was looking at my future.  Even then, I could have given you a list of material things I wanted but I knew what I wanted most of all- someone to sit on a bench with when I was older.  Looking at the photograph again as it sits in the frame in my office, I'm reminded that it is more important to have a life filled with love and friendship than a life that is decorative and empty.

        Maybe I'll go back to that park near a canal by a quarry one day and sit on that same bench.  I won't be wearing a bathing suit with a flannel and my bench mate won't be jumping 40-ish feet into the quarry this time if he knows what's good for him.  Maybe, just maybe, someone will snap our picture from behind and wonder.  If asked, I would tell them the secret.

        It's simply this...

"Bend in the Road"

Huge disclaimer- huge.  I no longer sing.  Haven't since high school.  Out of tune birthday songs drive me batty.  Rocking out in the car when I'm alone and misquoting lyrics is my thing.

I was in district chorus in elementary school.  Chorus was on my schedule every year thereafter.  I was in: chorus, select vocal ensemble in junior high (not sure how that happened), women's ensemble ("I'm gonna wash that man right out of my hair!"), and Chorale in high school.

Under the direction of Pius Kaltreider, the Chorale sang Broadway, Jazz, Christmas Carols and more (I remember a number in Latin...).  Acapella songs were awesome!  Never had a solo, never wanted a solo, or tried out for one.  I was petrified just running my scales in front of others.  I could not read music and never picked it up.  After hearing a tune once, I could figure it out.  I did not have the vibrato quality to my voice (used to annoy me) and I would tear up every time we sang the National Anthem.

Mr. Kaltreider had us sing at nursing homes, not to get in extra practice but because it was the right thing.  He organized road trips for us and instilled responsibility to the group.  When my grades were slipping, well- I don't remember what he said.  But, I knew he was on my team.

He wrote a song called "Bend in the Road."  We sang it in concerts and on tour.  When he retired, we flash mobbed him at his church and sang his song to him.

"When we feel we have nothing left to give, and are sure that shadows will fall, it is just a pause in our life, my friend, just like a bend in the road."

I've carried these lyrics with me in my heart all these years.  I subconsciously hum them during challenging times.  I was at a crossroads early on in my high school career and it was my involvement in the music program that helped me stay the course and make it around the bend.  That opportunity would have never been there for me without Mr. Kaltreider.  I don't know what he saw in me to allow me into the program but I will always be grateful.  The music program saved my life.

During his last year, Mr. Kaltreider prepared a tape (yes, a tape!) of our greatest hits.  At the end, he added his own little ditty and sang, "God loves you and so do I.  Gotcha!"

Yes, he did.

(N.Finn)

New Year's Resolu-Dos

In two days, it will be time to make resolutions.  Or, to pretend to have made resolutions.  Maybe we'll dress them up and call them goals.  Ask yourself this: Are you setting yourself up to succeed or fail?

My resolution one year was to go to the gym three times a week.  The second I didn't, I failed.  Or, I'd play games with myself.  "Next week is busy.  If I go five times this week, I can go once next week and it will be OK."  The year that I promised myself to make healthier choices and worked with a nutritionist for support, I was more successful.  I didn't tie the success to a calendar or a pass/fail system.

I find myself to be more accountable to actions tied to state of mind than measurable by something tangible.  If you are interested in a similar path, here are some tips.

1.  Check out Daily Alchemy's post on 4 Steps to Creating a Magical New Year.  I appreciate the section on "Following Your Bliss."  You do not need to go to a place of worship for the ceremony referenced in the blog.  (And...don't set yourself on fire.)

2.  Need more positive people in your life?  Find and follow them on social media.   Enjoy a daily dose of joy while stalking a celebrity or arguing over which is better- dogs or cats.  (Um...both are awesome.  Debate over.  Civility reigns supreme.)  Read The Happiness Project, visit its website, or follow author Gretchen Rubin on Twitter or Facebook.  100 Ways to Happiness by Dr. Timothy Sharp is another motivating read.

3.  Consider the concept of PostSecret by Frank Warren.  I've read the books for years and now follow the community online.  There is something to be said for sharing or letting go of an aspect of your past when you are ready for it.  (Or, seeing a licensed professional if you are not and want to be.)

4.  I'm often surprised by what I find at the end of list making.  I like the following prompt from List Your Self by Segalove and Velick:  “List those risks you'd like to take but are afraid to.”  (I'm a little scared of: “List what you hear when you get very quiet.”  I'm saving that for when I'm big!)

5.  Whatever your action, consider building in support.  Bring in a professional when the task requires it and if finances allow.  Or, have an accountability pal that you consult with every 4-6 weeks.  Celebrate your successes as you have them.  Adjust your path if you need to.  Don't give up!

Make sure you have a Resolu-Do state of mind and Resolu-Don't have your failure stick ready to measure before you take your first step.

What's your Resolu-do?

All I Want...

On this Christmas Eve, I anxiously look to the sky- just in case I see him.  (Ever since watching Santa Claus in 1985, I've wanted to err on the side of caution.)  After all, if NORAD is tracking him, you can't be too safe.

Do you remember writing your Christmas list to Santa and putting complicated things on it to test him?  I do.  Here's my list for this year.  

Dear Santa,

• I would like a coffee fairy to deliver a daily dose to my workspace at 1:30.  One sugar, light on the cream.  This is the best part of my day and a bonus cup would make it all the better.
• I would like a garage for snowy days.  Or, a chauffeur.  Your call.
• I would like grownups to stop being mean to each other, about each other, and on behalf of one another.
• I would like for Jonathan Maberry and Stephen King to write a bedtime story for me.  I would like Jon Stewart to introduce it and Ellen Degeneres to narrate it.  All while Channing Tatum interprets it through dance.

And, now, for the most complicated item.  I simply want to be happy.  Not happy because I have stuff.  Not happy because I can get more stuff.  But happy because I continue to accept each day as a gift and after a less than perfect day, I know I can always start over.

(But, if that's too hard...I'll take the bedtime story.)

What's on your list?

The Imperfect Ten

Who decided that a 10 was the perfect score and why is there pressure to be a 10?  Once you are a 10, there's a risk of phoning it in and not trying anymore.  Let's face it- we can all stand to improve a little more and we will all benefit from the effort.  Each day should reset at a 0 and our goal should be to work up to a 9.99999.  At home.  In our community.  With our children, friends, and loved ones.  (You can throw work into the mix if you want.)  Most of all?  Within ourselves.  I vow to never be a perfect 10.

How about you?