“Wanna Be FRiends?”

A wonderful FRiend is making her new house a home.  I remember my experience when I was in the market for a house and the lessons I learned.

1. There are wants and non-negotiable items.  I wanted central air.  Non-negotiable?  No dirt basements.  (Too many places to hide my body.  Remember, I’ve watched Lifetime.)
2. Fixer-Upper and “As Is”: These are different.  We barely had a budget to buy a house; we did not have a budget for repairs.  Or decorating.  I fantasized about appliances that worked, a roof that did not leak, and animal-potty-free floors.  A home warranty took care of the first two; elbow grease the other.  (For the record- I took off wallpaper.  I took off some drywall with that wallpaper...)
3. The process is slow and fast all at once.  Maybe you are looking and maybe your are Looking.  I cried like a baby when our bid was accepted- convinced we could not do it.  (I also had a 101 degree fever and strep throat, so...)  All of a sudden- it evolved from a listing, to a contender, to a This-Is-It-Keep-Your-Fingers-Crossed, to Our Home. 

Advice abounds on what to look for when buying a home.  But what about when we are in the market for a friend?  Making new friends as an adult can be challenging but many of the above lessons do apply.

1. Know your wants and non-negotiables.  Do you want a friend (light fun, socializing) or a Friend (includes 3AM texts and breakfast without makeup)?  Will you accept gossip (lighthearted, slice of life stories) but not Gossip (has an edge of nastiness best left behind with our lockers)?
2. It’s rare that as adults we meet new adults, unpack our emotional baggage, and say “Here I am” the way we did as kids with our crates or pillowcases full of G.I. Joes, Legos, or Barbies.  As our new friends peel their layers before us, the unspoken expectation is the same- “I’m trusting you not to break my stuff.”  It’s not our job to fix our new Friends as if they had leaking roofs.  But we can show them the leak and see if they can find the source.  Maybe hold the flashlight?
3. How do we navigate the process of evolving from acquaintance to friend and from friend to Friend without paperwork and witnesses?  And what about the FRiend?  The one you haven’t seen since your wedding and suspect has been buried in a dirt floor basement (SEE?) but then shows up at your mother’s funeral?  Or the one that jumps from friend to FRiend when she comes to your rescue in a medical situation?  How do we maintain our relationships with our FRiends without depleting our emotional budgets?  What do we do when a FRiend changes to a Friend or to a friend or worse, an acquaintance?  

Unlike house hunting, we do not have a realtor to guide us through the friendship process.  You have to be your own Relate-or (new word!).  Manage your listings.  Make your own repairs- don’t subcontract out.  And...wipe off your feet when the welcome mat is rolled out.  You’d be surprised how hard it is to get the tread marks off.