I’ve been told that I am a compassionate listener; I’m not so good at listening to myself.
I have the gift of gab. Awkward pause or lull in conversation? I can fill it, if I want to. Just as I have friends who come to me for support or deep listening, I have those that come to me for distraction.
I was at a conference earlier in the year. There were signs everywhere requesting that the quiet atmosphere be respected on behalf of the year round residents. Shaking my head, I made my way to dinner. It was weird to start a conference with a communal meal before meeting people but I was totally open to it and quashed my nerves.
Arriving a few minutes late, I took the only open seat at the head of the table. Engaging in small talk and introductions, there was a lull in conversation with two ladies to my left. Suzie to the rescue! I immediately started in on the great Oreo versus Hydrox debate, regaling a humorous tale of misadventure. As I was talking to the ladies on my left, I noticed the ladies on my right. I couldn’t tell if I was engaging them, should have been engaging them, was being too loud, if they thought I was ignoring them. My brain was also saying, “Shut up. Stop talking. No one cares about the story.” My mouth wasn’t catching up with my brain but my ears did. I heard one of the ladies on my right say “attention seeking” in the least judgmental way possible.
What??? Nothing could be further...If they only knew me...Why would they...
But, it didn’t matter.
I went to my room after dinner and saw the “Respect the Quiet” sign again. Thanks! Then, I thought about it. And thought about it. And thought about it.
Started the next day with a communal breakfast. Made fast friends with someone sitting next to me and simply said this. “I really look forward to getting to know you but I’m trying something new. I’m trying to be present and be quiet so I can take it all in. If I don’t talk to you a lot, it’s not because I’m not interested. It’s because I am.” Guess what? SHE was also working on trying something different that weekend, too. We were instant supports for each other and because we had no history, we really got to see each other “as is.” It is really awesome to be accepted As Is.
I heard and questioned things that weekend that I would have missed had I otherwise been engaged. I learned a lot about myself, too. I really crave slowness, stillness, and silence in my life. So, I started off small. For the month of February, I silenced my phone, removed my favorite apps, and put it out of reach as soon as I got home. That lead to my not caring when I watched what was on my DVR (let the record show it was not during Doctor Who season) and watching less TV. It’s amazing how deeply I’ve been able to listen to myself without all of the distraction that I used to refer to as multitasking.
My devices are still in silent mode. I can still talk your ear off, if you want me to. I can still listen to you and support you, if you need me to. But, I can also be compassionate with myself. I have to. And I will respect what springs from the quiet.
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